Monday, September 27, 2004

Tag

Hidden in the Oort cloud
panther among rushes
Comet feels the hand of Neptune
nudge him out of orbit

At the same moment, over a gumbo
lunch, we discuss--darting and feinting
like fencers--the pros and cons
of evolution as a provable theory.

Overhead, fans blow humidity
into heavy air, softness filtering
from the skylight, moisture dripping
down stone walls. If we ignore the young
sparrows playing tag among them, hanging
ferns complete a Devonian atmosphere.

During that single hour,
mutations occur the planet over,
glacial change creeping through murky
gene pools, predator and prey
locked an eternal game of run-and-chase.

When Comet arrives, he will lay
a gentle hand on every living thing
and say, "You're it."

10 comments:

Eliot Prufrock said...

I like this, the playfulness concerning a serious topic. I'm not certain "run-and-chase" is quite what you want, nor "gentle" in the last strophe.

The ending, though, the ending with its open-ended statement about life is just wonderful.

Eliot.

(Oh, and I have a picture of those playful sparrows, but then I think I have a picture of almost everything on that trip :))))

Peter Garner said...

I'll ponder run-and-chase, but "gentle" absolutely is what I need, strange as it may sound. But I'm still working on this, so the rest of the poem may not quite lead to such a subtle ending yet. Thanks so much for the read, Mf.

RT

Aisha said...

You and the Mermiad blogger both into Darwin (I wonder why? :))

For me, very cool to be back in New Orleans at thatLOUD tasble-- to be led gently to the End- Absolutely love the You are it. Can an ignoramus ask, Will the comet kill us all-- not only the meteoric annihilation of a few species? Asking as a blonde mutated into grey ;)

Aish

Anonymous said...

This is sacrilege! It's free verse! Although, I sense the poet, not the comet, saying "You're it" with his magic words, the betrayal of rhymes in the "ng's" and good form in meter in L1, 2 & 3.

Anonymous said...

I meant L1, 3 & 4--oops. Maybe I'll never evolve past typos.

paula said...

Hi, RT,

Really wonderful last stanza and good poem as a whole.
Have a suggestion from a first impression and two reads. No way to combine the first two stanzas?

Something like this:

Hidden in the Oort cloud
Comet feels the hand of Neptune
nudge him out of orbit
as we discuss over a gumbo

lunch --darting and feinting
like fencers--the pros and cons
of evolution as a provable theory.

Well, maybe not exactly like that but would drop
the metaphor in L2 and: "at the same moment" in St 2.

teasing-serious read. Enjoyed.

Paula

Peter Garner said...

Hi Shi, anon (whoever you are), Paula,

Thanks for dropping in. I'm still working on this, but I like your idea, Paula.

RT

Peter Garner said...

Hi Shi, anon (whoever you are), Paula,

Thanks for dropping in. I'm still working on this, but I like your idea, Paula.

RT

Peter Garner said...

Hi Shi, anon (whoever you are), Paula,

Thanks for dropping in. I'm still working on this, but I like your idea, Paula.

RT

Peter Garner said...
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